I once moved from my mom
To live with my lame dad
The town was dull and boring
With no fun to be had
To school, I had to go
I drove my lameass truck
I laid eyes on a boy
Whose bod I'd like to fuck
I asked some bitch beside me
"Hey who dat kid be?"
She said "Gurl he don't want you."
And I said "Psh, we'll see."
Sure enough, next hour
I sat beside that dude
His body language told me
This young man was quite rude
I almost died at school
One icy, sunless day
That bitchass came and saved me
He pushed me out the way
I knew he wasn't normal
It turned me on so much
I thought "I'd like to kiss him
And lick his face, and such."
I went down to the beach
And Jacob, I did meet
He told me all these stories
That sounded kinda neat.
He said "Eddie's not normal
His family's freaky too
They killed my uncle's doggies
They'll do the same to you."
I Googled up that shit
The minute I got home
And found that there was nothing
I hadn't already known
Some chicks wanted to take me
To buy some lameass clothes
I sat and watched them try stuff
Then figured "Fuck these hoes."
I went off on my own
Not a real smart move
Four guys came up and scared me
I knew what they would do
First, they'd have their way with me
Because I am so hot
And then they'd steal my college fund
And leave me there to rot
But- holy crap- a Volvo
Came swirving wildly
Eddie slid between us all
Again, he'd rescued me.
Eventually he told me
That he wants me dead
But couldn't bear to kill me
Cause I was always in his head.
We totally started dating
And everyone freaked out.
Charlie even asked me
What this Cullen kid's about
I told him "he's my BF
And I love him so."
He probably thinks I'm banging him
But shit, I ain't no ho.
Eddie took me out
To a field one fateful night
Some pricks ruined their baseball game-
And begged them for a fight
This James dude wants to eat me
And not in a good way
Eddie looked at me and said
"In Forks, you cannot stay."
I headed home and grabbed my shit
I ran away real fast
The Cullens and Hales helped me out
Except Rose's bitch ass.
James gave me a phone call
And said "I got yo mom."
I said "What can I do?"
"To Phoenix, you must come."
I got away from Alice
And made it to my home
James gave me a call and said
"Gurl, you know where to go."
I headed to this place-
This whackass dancing school
Found out mama wasn't there
And was like "Dude... Not cool..."
James pulled out a camera
"So dear Eddie can see."
I tried to get away
He beat the shit outta me.
Eventually he died
Cause Ed don't take no shit
He sucked the venom from my veins
Gurl you know he liked it
The bastard had to go
And ruin everything
He took me to the prom
I didn't stop whining.
That's really pretty much
All that has happened
Until I rewrite the 2nd book
This will be the end.
Home 
